When our eldest son began elementary school my husband and I looked for one that did not teach children by rote or focused only on the students' minds. We purposely chose a school known for developing the child’s heart, hands and mind.  That was 20 years ago and now that both of our sons have gone all the way from kindergarten through senior year of high school, it has proven to be a decision we feel very good about. As a result of this type of schooling our boys and their classmates are multifaceted, with many left and right-brain talents. Both are extremely artistic, musical, creative, love books, speak Spanish fluently (which was taught in their school) and also love science, are good in math and other academics. But what is more, they are comfortable with others, and in their own skin. They are tolerant, respectful and easy to talk to. Even as children, they and their classmates were comfortable with adults and carried on meaningful conversations with them. The children raised in this fashion (in our case, it was the Waldorf schools but there are others that have a holistic teaching approach) were not “Little Adults”.  They seemed more carefree, open, happy.  It is as if the light hadn’t gone out of their faces as I sometimes see with children in our culture.

As a psychotherapist in private practice, I often see children and adolescents from some of the public schools or college prep schools in my area.  Often they are there to see me for anxiety or depression.  One felt suicidal.  When asked about their lives, they talk about how “full” they are and how they “have no time”.  Often there is pressure and tension at home between the kids and their parents. I think this is in part because the children are tired, overwhelmed and anxious, and the parents too are short-tempered as they worry about their children’s grades, their future college prospects and getting them to all their other scheduled activities so that their college applications will look good.  Many of the same students who go to these high-pressured, grade driven, over-crowded schools are also doing extracurricular sports and activities and volunteer work. I feel for them.  One such client could never make her appointments because her mom put the daughter’s other activities in front of her therapy which she herself, the mom, had sought out for her daughter because she was so anxious and depressed and overwhelmed! I found that more than a little ironic. She only came for a handful (about 4) sessions in all, and those were not consecutive like they should have been.  If some other activity came up the daughter would attend that instead of therapy. I thought of many families when I saw the film "Race to Nowhere", but I especially thought of her. 

This emphasis on top grades, AP classes and so much homework, leads to, besides burnout, cheating for some students, or for those who don’t do that, not taking care of themselves. There just isn’t the time to get enough sleep or down time or to, just, well, “Be”.

It is time to give children back their childhoods.  They need to occasionally have time to look at the sky and see things in the clouds, to dig in the earth, to run, to play to imagine.   Children taught to just spit information back will later be our doctors and mechanics.  How can they find the solutions to problems if they have only been taught to remember the answers? Or if they felt so much pressure to get good grades they never got to learn from their mistakes? Teaching a child to love learning because it has been enjoyable, developmentally appropriate and creative turns out an adult who can think for him/herself, relates well to others and continues to love expanding.

Children come into the world happy, naturally spontaneous, curious and with a love for discovery!  Ironically too many schools in the attempt to utilize and foster some of those very same traits; being curious, gaining knowledge, etc, drill it out of them. It’s our job as the adults to see that they retain those gifts.  In fact, we – kids and adults, would be well served if we could retain the gifts of joy and spontaneity a baby comes in with.